by The Parenting Centre | Dec 30, 2025 | General
It is important to teach our children how negative change can happen so slowly it is almost imperceptible, until it is too late. Sometimes we don’t recognize how full the gutters are until the roof collapses.
I am NOT Nostradamus, but sometimes you watch events unfold that are SO predictable you want to scream. I want to go on record with a “prediction” that feels inevitable.
This refers to a country (and a leader) I am afraid to mention by name.
This country always prided itself on “democratic principles” and would brag about it to anyone who would listen. Over the last year, freedoms have been slowly limited. Opponents of the government have been attacked legally and the media has come under increasingly government control.
The military has been used to support the government’s agenda. More and more power is invested in the leader, and the “system of checks and balances” is a charade as the courts and legislature fall into lockstep to support the supreme leader. If it looks like fascism, smells like fascism, etc.
The problem for this regime is that they must run for re-election in 2028…unless they don’t.
Prediction:
1) Over the next 2 years there will be increasing hostility with a foreign country; most likely one with a non-Caucasian population (so racism can be part of the government’s fear- mongering).
2) There will be a series of internal “terrorist” attacks; likely staged, but blamed on
this enemy.
3) There will be a declaration of war against this “enemy”
4) 2028 elections will be suspended in the interest of stability and “national security”.
We might think “oh it will never go THAT far”, but what would we have said five years ago about a government getting TV hosts kicked off the air because their jokes offended the leader? And that’s the lesson – sometimes we don’t notice what’s happening until it’s too late.
by The Parenting Centre | Dec 30, 2025 | General
I’ve never used this forum before for a movie review, but I just saw something that is a commentary on how we view parenting, vulnerable children and society.
In this movie, a man who allegedly loves his family (3 small children) decides to become a robber. This choice is somehow portrayed as “endearing” and the subtext is he loved them so much and wanted to buy them nice birthday gifts. What about getting a job?
Then his “MO” was to go through the roof of McDonald’s and kidnap the crew when they opened in the morning, locking them in the freezer. He robbed 45 McDonald’s according to the movie – can you imagine the terror and lifelong trauma of these victims, most of whom were probably young people? The film glosses over this and we continue to embrace this “lovable rogue” persona.
For me, the part that was most upsetting is when the criminal meets a single mother and romances her. We’re supposed to identify with the “love story” but he does not tell her anything that is true to promote his own selfish interest and the expense of her and her children.
Although he is overtly sketchy (he won’t answer directly when asked where he is from or what he does for work) she invites him into her home and allows him around her two daughters. Is this protective parenting? Again, no mention of this in the movie, where the single Mum is made into an almost heroic and certainly sympathetic character. The ONLY line in the movie that rang true is when the 16 year old girl assails the Mum for inviting this creep into their home and says “I hope the sex is worth it”.
To endear himself to this “rebellious teenager” the criminal is going to buy her a used car (with money obtained through stolen goods). The whole family goes for a test drive and a scene is played for laughs where he drives recklessly with the children in the car, including slamming on the brakes to a skidding 180 degree stop. Why do we minimize and even glorify the vulnerability of children and our responsibility as parents to protect them?
I walked out after that scene.
I know “it’s just a movie” but to me this normalizes, and glamorizes, some pretty disgusting themes in how we view society, responsibility to others and parenting.
by The Parenting Centre | Dec 30, 2025 | General
Having raised two children as a single parent, I can empathize with both the incredible joy, and the overwhelming stress of that role. One of the many complex issues facing single parents is the decision to date, and when to introduce a new partner to their children.
When I first started dating and my children were quite small, I found myself shying away from telling them what I was doing. I would say things like “I am going out”, or “I am going to dinner” or “I am going hiking” – all of those things were true, but I wasn’t saying I had a date. At some point I realized that dating is a joyful, healthy, happy thing that adults do. I thought if I truly celebrated it, I had nothing to hide, and after that revelation I would just say “I have a date”.
Sometimes my children would ask who the date was with, and I would tell them the person’s name. After there were several dates with the same person, my children (around 8 and 11 when I started dating) might ask questions about her, and I’d answer as honestly as I could. The question that always made me hesitate was when they asked if they could meet her.
So many single parents face this question: when is the right time to introduce a new partner? I want to stress that there is NO “right time” or “wrong time”. The axiom is that if you feel the person is someone who is likely to be in your life for the foreseeable future, as partner or just as friend, then it is “safe” to introduce them.
What we are trying to avoid is our children meeting many new people who they might develop some relationship with, and then those people vanish.
Please remember this is not an exact science and we cannot predict the future. We can carefully make this assessment (“will this person always be in our lives?”) and just be wrong. We are human, and as with all things, give yourself grace. If you do make this sort of “mistake” remind yourself you are coming from a good place and acted with the best intentions. And then tell your children the truth (of course they don’t need the details and they certainly don’t need a discussion about who was at fault). Just tell them you are no longer seeing the person and let them handle it however they do…and of course be there to listen, love and support them.
by The Parenting Centre | Oct 8, 2025 | General
My practice focuses on helping separated parents protect and support their children. I notice every day what things are helpful in that regard, and what things are impediments to sustainable co-parenting.
Many separated parents are resistant to hearing this, but all the wonderful traits you saw in your ex at the beginning are probably still there. You are just seeing a different side, and of course when people are not together they are looking out for their own (and their children’s) best interests. If we were together and someone gave us $10,000, we would both be happy and discuss how we were going to use it.
When we’re separate and there’s $10,000, we each want all or most of it. Maybe it’s not because anyone is a villain; maybe it’s just circumstances have changed and each parent is human.
Sometimes I think the most important use of language is in how we say things to ourselves – our internal dialogue. If we “name” something a certain way that is likely to be the way we experience it.
One of the most unhelpful things in trying to support separated parents is when they “name” the behaviour of the other parent in a negative way. Most common examples of this are things like “they are a narcissist”; “they aren’t thinking of the children’s interests”, “they are unethical”, etc. Maybe it’s worth considering that they are just another human being, with lots of amazing qualities and lots of personal struggles, just like all of us. Maybe what they are saying isn’t coming from a place of them having some sort of “disorder” or distorted view of reality. Maybe they are doing the best they can, just like we are.
When separated parents are having a dispute, or in mediation, they will frequently argue that their proposal is “reasonable”. Of course we think our proposal is reasonable; it’s our proposal. Instead of arguing about who is or isn’t reasonable, I encourage separated parents to consider that both of you are being reasonable.
Maybe you just disagree, and since you are co-parenting, it is more important to focus on coming to some sort of resolution without naming or degrading the other person’s perspective.
by The Parenting Centre | Oct 8, 2025 | General
In the course of couples counselling, intimacy and sex are often issues. I’ve noticed a trend which I think of as “libido shaming”.
Our sex drive, or libido, varies depending on many factors. Our physical health, stress, aging, and many other things can all be factors.
There are two overarching factors when it comes to libido: 1) There is no “right” or “wrong” libido. If someone tells me their sex drive is really high or really low, my first question either way is whether it bothers them. This “subjective distress” test applies to almost everything; things are only a problem if we experience them as a problem, and 2) we are not responsible for anyone else’s libido. If our partner’s sex drive is high it’s not because we are attractive and if our partner’s sex drive is low it’s not because we are unattractive. Whatever it is, it is something about them.
I’ve noticed that when intimacy is an issue partners can revert to “libido shaming”. Typically, one person wants to have sex more often than their partner. Person A may libido shame by saying something like “All you ever want to do is have sex. It’s not normal” and Person B replies with their own libido shaming: “You never want to have sex. It’s not normal”.
The reality is that while there are statistical norms for sex drive, there are also statistical norms for what percent of the population like broccoli. These “stats” are irrelevant to an individual’s libido, or their taste for broccoli. Interestingly, we would not think to shame someone by saying “Everyone else likes broccoli, what’s wrong with you?” but we do this about sex/intimacy.
Couples sometimes don’t want to face this, but most likely there is nothing “wrong” with anyone and we can just fast forward to this: Person A wants to have sex often and Person B doesn’t. Both of these libidos are fine (and “perfect” for the person, as long as they are happy with it) but it presents a relationship challenge. There are many creative solutions, or it could be a deal breaker, but let’s move away from shaming anyone for how they feel.
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