February 2025: The Ten Million Dollar Question – Recognizing Our Power

As anyone familiar with my work would know, I want everyone on the planet to feel a sense of self-efficacy. I wish for all of us that what we don’t do is because we don’t want, not because we think that we can’t.

When clients have been out in the mainstream therapy world of 2024, they are often given a litany of disempowering words to describe themselves and their children. I’ve had a 10 year old tell me he can’t pursue his dream of being an engineer because he isn’t smart enough (he is); I’ve had teenagers tell me they can’t go to parties because they are “autistic” and can’t handle loud noises or crowds (they can) and I had one 5 year old say he can’t be responsible for his behavioural choices because he hadn’t had his tablet yet.

Whenever I talk to anyone (or hear in myself) the word “can’t” I immediately want to reframe it as a choice. Personally, I am an introvert, so if someone invites me to a party my immediate reaction might be “I can’t do that”. But actually I will hasten to remind myself, of course I COULD do it, I just don’t want to.

A great way to test yourself and others is what I call the ‘ten million dollar question’. The genesis of this was reading stories of people accused of a “king hit” using the excuse that “once I lose my temper, I can’t control it”, or “once I’ve been drinking, I can’t stay away from violence”. I imagined a scenario where, just before they delivered the king hit, someone offered them ten million dollars in cash if they choose not to deliver the blow. Assuming they believed they’d really get the money, would any of them find that they COULD actually stop but were choosing not to? My belief is that most, if not all, of these people would stop and take the money.

So if someone says “I can’t leave the house” or “I can’t call that person” ask them to seriously consider whether they’d be able to do it for ten million in cash. For most people, with most things, they’d take the cash. And that means they COULD make a different decision, and whatever decision they do make is a choice.