This is part three of a three part series on the powerful impact negative messages from our families of origin can have on our lives. Obviously, not everyone carries around negative messages from their families, but this series is aimed at those of us who do.
A helpful way to think about this issue is to think of families as the cast of a play. Everyone has a role in the production and everyone learns their lines and learns how to play their part. I’ve acted in community theatre and I know you always feel pressure to make sure you’re playing your role properly. In order to not mess the play up for the other actors in families, we play our assigned roles passionately. All of us playing our role keeps the family going just as surely as playing a role we auditioned for keeps the play going.
Living with our family, we can find ourselves slipping into old ascribed roles even if our parents are not saying or doing anything. For example, a child whose role has always been to be fearful might feel and act fearful around their family as an adult, regardless of how their family is acting in “real life”. A child who has always been seen as less than capable will not believe in their own capabilities.
If you’re the “identified patient” in your family, please know that narrative was NEVER about you, and it was never true. We can all stand in our power and capabilities and be around people who are excited by the possibilities of what we can do, how we can feel, and how we can be a positive force in the community and in the world.
Remind yourself:
“I am strong”
“I am capable”
“I can create the life I want to have”
You might need to get out of the theatre to do this, but you can quit the family’s play, and be the absolute star (and playwright) of your own story.
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